Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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