Four minutes until I can fart!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
