please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
