I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
