You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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