sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I smell stomach acid.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
