Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
