You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
