Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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