she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
