he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
