I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
