i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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