Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
