Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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