Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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