Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
