Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
