i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
