Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
