Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
