The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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