After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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