Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
