well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is it because I queefed?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
