Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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