She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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