Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
