: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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