Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
