WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
