I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
