come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
