I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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