she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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