I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
