my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
