Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
