I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
