I cockslap morals
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
