i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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