After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
