Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
