Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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