I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
