Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
