I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
as a side note pls kill me
how does that bad decision feel?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
