He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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