I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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