using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
