A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
