I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
