I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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