Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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