Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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