I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it hurts more in the daytime
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
