I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
smell my finger.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
