He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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