I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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