seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
