dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
