so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
