So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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