i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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