Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I checked into jail on foursquare
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
