I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
