What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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