when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
