While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
