i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
