You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
