I didn't shave. On purpose
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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