i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
