its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
