Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
